There is an old parable about several blind men encountering an elephant for the first time. One touches the trunk and insists the elephant is like a snake. Another grabs a leg and argues it is like a tree. A third feels the tail and declares it a rope. Each is certain they are right, yet none has the full picture.
Over the years, I have come to believe this parable perfectly describes how donors and nonprofits often experience one another.
When donors and nonprofits misread each other
Nonprofits frequently see only one part of a donor: the check that arrives, the event sponsorship, or the response to a grant application. Donors, on the other hand, may feel misunderstood—or even puzzled—by the assumptions nonprofits make about their giving.
- Nonprofits often experience generosity as transactions
- Donors experience generosity as relationships, values, and timing
- Assumptions replace conversations when time and capacity are limited
- Both sides may feel misunderstood, even with the best intentions
Both are touching the same elephant, but from very different places.
What’s missing is a shared understanding of how donors give, why they give, and the many ways their generosity shows up.
Donor giving fingerprints: no two are alike
I often describe this as donor giving fingerprints. They are distinctive, personal, and shaped over time.
Just as no two fingerprints are alike, no two donors give in the same way. Some donors value quiet generosity and prefer to stay out of the spotlight. Others enjoy being part of a visible community effort. Some are deeply loyal to a small number of organizations over many years, while others give broadly, responding to needs as they arise.
Donor giving fingerprints are shaped by many factors, including:
- Personal values and lived experiences
- A desire for privacy or visibility
- Long-term commitment versus responsiveness to immediate needs
- Relationships, geography, faith, or family tradition
None of these approaches is better than another. They are simply different expressions of who a donor is and what they value.
If you would like a simple tool to begin this reflection, my e-book Giving Fingerprints is available as a free download by clicking the green button below. (Once you do so, you will need to scroll a bit down the page you’re sent to.)
It is designed to help donors better understand how they give and why—and to help nonprofits recognize the many ways generosity shows up.
The many giving pockets donors use
Complicating matters further is the reality that many donors give from more than one pocket. A gift may come from:
- A personal checking or savings account
- A donor-advised fund
- A family or private foundation
- A corporate or business account
- Event sponsorships or memorial gifts
From a nonprofit’s perspective, these gifts can appear disconnected—or even confusing. From a donor’s perspective, they are simply different tools used for different purposes.
I once spoke with a nonprofit leader who assumed she should not submit a grant request because a donor family had just made a very large public gift to another organization. She had done her homework, reviewed public records, and concluded the family had already “given it all away.”
What she could not see was that the gift had come from one giving pocket, while the foundation she had worked with for years was an entirely separate one. A simple conversation changed everything—but the assumption nearly closed a door that did not need to be shut.
Giving changes over a lifetime
Giving fingerprints also evolve over time. Early in life, giving may be spontaneous or relational, tied to friends, children’s activities, or faith communities. Later, donors may become more strategic, more focused on long-term priorities, or more interested in legacy.
Giving often shifts because of:
- Career changes or business success
- Retirement or changes in income
- Family transitions or generational roles
- Loss, illness, or major life events
This evolution is normal, yet it often goes unspoken. Donors may not pause to reflect on whether their current giving still reflects what matters most to them. Nonprofits may not realize that a long-time donor’s priorities have shifted—even though their commitment remains strong.
When the blindfold comes off
When donors take time to understand their own giving fingerprints, something important happens. Giving becomes more intentional—and more satisfying. Conversations with nonprofits become clearer. Expectations, on both sides, are easier to manage. Trust grows.
The same is true for nonprofits. When organizations see donors as complex individuals rather than checkbooks:
- Relationships deepen
- Stewardship improves
- Fundraising feels less transactional and more human
- Trust grows on both sides
The blindfold comes off, and the elephant is whole.
Philanthropy is relationship work
The work of philanthropy is, at its best, relationship work. It requires curiosity, communication, and a willingness to ask questions rather than make assumptions.
Whether you are a donor or a nonprofit leader, the goal is the same: to understand one another well enough to do the most good—at the right time, in the right way.
A simple tool to begin the conversation
If you are a donor, I encourage you to pause and consider your own giving fingerprints, as outlined in my complimentary e-book by clicking the green button below. Notice patterns. Reflect on what brings you joy, meaning, and a sense of purpose in your giving. If you are part of a family, these conversations can be especially powerful across generations.
If you are a nonprofit leader or fundraiser, I encourage you to reflect on your own giving fingerprints as well—it’s one of the best ways to better understand your donors.
When donors and nonprofits stop arguing about which part of the elephant matters most and start sharing what they see, philanthropy works the way it should.
Read it. Use it. Pass it on.
If you have a question or a topic you would like to see explored in future posts, please reach out to me.
Website: www.dawnfranks.com
Email: dawn@dawnfranks.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dawfranks
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/dawn-franks-strategicsolutions/
