I shared this story two years ago, and it’s been on my mind again. Not because the giraffe stopped spitting, but because the donor–nonprofit relationship feels even more fragile today. With donors stretched thin, nonprofits under pressure, and everyone moving faster than they’d like, it’s easier than ever to make assumptions.
And it’s harder to slow down long enough to ask better questions.
My date and I headed to the zoo for a fun afternoon. With curiosity as a guide, I expected to enjoy the animals and maybe answer a few questions about a guy I found interesting and thought I might like to keep around for a while.
The zoo had areas designed to observe animals in their natural habitat, along with walk-through spaces that allowed visitors to get closer. I was especially interested in seeing a teenage giraffe—not quite fully grown, but already quite tall.
Standing on one side of the fence, all 5’6″ of me, my date with his bird’s-eye view, and the lanky, long-necked giraffe just a few feet away resulted in quite a surprise.
As I leaned in to study the giraffe’s markings, I heard a strange guttural sound followed by something warm on my head. My date burst out laughing while I reached up to discover what it was.
Spit.
I jerked away, my hand landing in sticky saliva, while my date struggled to catch his breath between waves of laughter.
Despite being the victim of a giraffe bomb, I remain fascinated by these animals. Their long legs and necks are remarkable, as is their ability to clean their own eyes with their tongues. Even more surprising is research suggesting that giraffes are capable of learning and making predictions. When given choices, they can anticipate rewards—selecting carrots over zucchini—not by smell alone, but by recognizing patterns.
We often assume animals rely purely on instinct. We do something similar with nonprofit organizations. We assume that because we like a mission, recognize a name, or feel emotionally moved, we understand how an organization works or the impact it creates. How different could they really be?
The trap is set:
A favorite organization holds its annual fundraiser. I attend because I care about the cause. I see people I enjoy. I exchange pleasantries with staff or the executive director—maybe two or three minutes in total. They seem capable, committed, and knowledgeable. I know a board member or two. Everything feels familiar and reassuring.
Later, the executive director thanks everyone for coming. The message is warm, confident, and energizing. We’re told our gifts matter and make a difference. Emotional decision-making takes the wheel.
The deal feels sealed.
This kind of giving isn’t wrong. Emotion has always played a role in generosity. But today—when donors are more cautious, and nonprofits are under greater strain—this dynamic makes it easier to mistake proximity for understanding.
I encourage research, questions, and conversation so donors can make their best decisions. Understanding our individual giving preferences—what I call Giving Fingerprints—is often the best place to begin. But that requires effort, and sometimes it feels easier to stay at handshake distance.
Five ways to be smarter — on both sides of the fence
- Donors: Don’t assume impact simply because the executive director gives a compelling speech or the room feels energized. Chemistry is not the same as clarity.
- Nonprofits: Don’t assume that a few minutes of face time, a polished newsletter, or a familiar name guarantees understanding—or trust.
- Donors: Use the moments you do have wisely. Move beyond pleasantries and ask the question you need answered to feel confident about your next gift.
- Nonprofits: Remember that donors are not interchangeable. They bring different interests, motivations, and giving fingerprints. Curiosity is not intrusive; it is relational.
- Both: Learn the dynamics that shape giving and receiving. The strongest relationships are built when assumptions are replaced with shared understanding.
As donors, we benefit from understanding an organization’s why (its mission), what (its work), and how (the way results are achieved). Nonprofits, in turn, benefit when they take time to understand what motivates a donor’s generosity and what questions matter most to them.
If you’d like to better understand your own giving preferences—and the questions you need answered before saying yes—I explore this further in Giving Fingerprints. It’s a simple framework designed to help donors and nonprofits move beyond assumptions and build more meaningful, effective relationships.
Most misunderstandings between donors and nonprofits don’t come from bad intentions. They come from speed, pressure, and assumptions made too quickly or from too far away. Getting closer without understanding can lead to surprises—I learned that the hard way—thanks to a giraffe.
In philanthropy, the lesson is gentler but no less important. Slow down. Ask better questions. Listen more carefully. When curiosity leads, generosity becomes more satisfying, relationships become stronger, and everyone is far less likely to end up covered in spit.
Read it. Share it. Pass it on.
If you have a question or a topic you would like to see explored in future posts, please reach out to me.
Website: www.dawnfranks.com
Email: dawn@dawnfranks.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dawfranks
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/dawn-franks-strategicsolutions/
